Nothing
by LionsLamb
Summary: A dream world. Although this dream was more of a nightmare. That’s what this place was, since his departure – a nightmare. Nothing ever seemed to happen anymore; nothing affected me, nothing made me happy, nothing made me sad. NM rewrite. Changed from M.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with the Twilight Saga. **

**I apologise for this author's note… I'm a new writer and would really appreciate any feedback. Thank you and happy reading!**

A dream world. Although this dream was more of a nightmare. That's what this place was, since _his _departure – a nightmare. Nothing ever seemed to happen anymore; nothing affected me, nothing made me happy, nothing made me sad.

Nothing.

That's me. And that's why he left me – because I'm nothing to him. I'm worthless. I'm plain, boring and a waste of space. He finally realised that I'm nothing in comparison to his godliness.

Nothing.

That's what I feel right now. I've been living a life of a zombie. I don't remember the last time I smiled or laughed, a smile that reached my eyes; a laugh that made my stomach hurt from the intensity of the joy.

Charlie didn't understand. Nobody did. I had scared my parents away with my screaming fit a few weeks after he left. I didn't want to – couldn't have – left the one place that helped me remember, or at least relive, my moments with him, however shortened they were.

I needed him - more than food or water or sleep. He was my oxygen. He had once referred to me as his heroin, and I had laughed it off. But now I understood. I was going through withdrawal.

The crushing, ragged hole that seemed to have ripped out my insides still lingered, although I had learnt to control it. Wrapping my arms around my middle seemed to help me keep myself together, although that was fast becoming a thing of the past. I hadn't cried since he left. No movie, no book, no heart-wrenching true-life story made me even shed a tear.

Stop, Bella. Stop. I felt my arms automatically cling to my waist, preventing the wave of emotion I had felt be released. I couldn't let it go. I couldn't do that to Charlie, to Renee… to him.

The phone rang.

I walked, almost floating, to pick it up, my pain momentarily subsiding. Jacob? That name sounded familiar… from my happier times. Later today? I certainly didn't have anything to do. Sure, that sounds… nice. Five o'clock? Charlie knows, too? Okay. I won't have to cook. See you then.

I glanced at the clock. I read 4.30. I should get moving.

So, I had something to do. Something to keep me from thinking about – I heard a sharp intake of breath and realised it was that of my own.

My truck trundled along, and I begun to get impatient. I was still on vampire territory. Their territory. I couldn't bring myself to think of each one of their painfully beautiful faces. Before I knew it, my foot was off the gas pedal and I had swerved over to the hard shoulder.

I had expected myself to start sobbing uncontrollably. That was what I generally had stopped for, before –

No. Knowing I was in no state to drive, I decided to focus acutely to my surroundings, the overly green forests of Forks. My eyes gazed lazily around, not picking up anything strange, except…

A flash of white. It travelled extremely fast, so fast that I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't been accustomed to the great speed of vampires.

But that wasn't all I saw.

I also got a distinct glimpse of – I had to take a deep breath–

Bronze.


	2. Running Away?

**Here's the new chapter… You know the drill – R&R! I changed the rating, simply because I didn't know where I would fit any explicitness right now, although the story is planning itself out in my head. **

**LionsLamb**

EPOV

I had promised my family that I'd never come back to Forks.

I had promised myself that I'd never come back to Forks.

And I had promised her – Bella – _my_ Bella that I wouldn't. I could never break a promise I had made to her. To protect her. To keep her beautiful face unharmed, free of pain or fear. 

But I couldn't. I had to see if she was all right. As I left her in the forest that fateful day, I felt like I was leaving half of myself behind. I knew it was a ridiculous notion, seeming that my species didn't have working organs: a heart, a soul; but I was empty inside. I still am. And I knew that I'd never forgive myself for leaving her, even though it was for the best. 

So here I was, running blindly through the leafy green forests of Washington. A light scattering of rain was covering my brow as it sprinkled down through the canopy above me. 

Gathering my bearings, I realised I was near the one-oh-one, a road we had taken many times to go to our meadow.

I slowed down suddenly; my repressed memories had found me and were rushing back. 

The feeling of her fingers as she stroked my arm up and down, up and down.

The softness of her lips as they moved against mine, as one.

The glow of her face as it shone in the afternoon sun. 

Reliving the memories, I realised I was being stupid.

Even as an immortal being, I couldn't live without her. My immortality would mean nothing if I didn't spend it with her. 

I had to find her.


	3. The Crying Angel

**Thanks for the reviews and story alerts! I really appreciate it! Well here's the new chapter, written while procrastinating as always…**

**LionsLamb**

EPOV

I continued to wend my way through the trees, planning to follow the one-oh-one's bendy route towards Bella's house. As I ran, something red caught my eye - Bella's trusty rusty old Chevy, sitting on the hard shoulder. 

And then I heard the crying. 

My Bella, my beautiful Bella, was sobbing her heart out. And I caused that pain. That struck pain and fear into my ever-still heart. How could I do that to someone so beautiful? Someone who was my heart? My soul? 

I couldn't comfort her, though. I had already pushed the loophole in my promise too far. Speaking or touching her, the things I wanted to do most, was going way too far. I couldn't. 

But I had to. 

**By the way, I know this is really short, but the next chapter, in BPOV, will be much longer… hopefully! I just have to see where my 'creative scope' (I wish) will take me… **

**LionsLamb**


	4. A Plan

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or storylines related to this story.**

**LionsLamb**

EPOV

As I listened to her heart wrenching sobs, each one tearing me further apart, I argued with myself: should I go in to comfort her, and let her scream at me, want her to hurt me? though it was impossible, it would help me forgive myself of the sufferings she had to endure under my hand. I couldn't bear it.

But then – what if she forgave me too readily, and we found ourselves in the same situation as before? Risking her life? I was bad for her – I knew that, and Rosalie's thoughts had certainly confirmed that for me – but what if I hurt her? I would never forgive myself, even if Bella did. 

Oh, my beautiful Bella – my kind-hearted angel! Ever forgiving, understanding and generous. How could I have left you? How could I have found it in me? 

Her sobs were increasing in volume and intensity. My heart was close to breaking point. I couldn't tear myself away from her. Maybe if she let me explain myself.. that might leave my mind at rest, at least, when she doesn't forgive me.

But she's crying. Surely that means she cares? 

Instead of comforting her, the thing I wanted greatest in the world, I formulated a plan:

I'd follow Bella, analysing her actions, to see if she still cared for me as much as I did for her. That would definitely give me a better idea. 

Bella's sleep talking, which had only seemed impossibly endearing to me before, would now become a key tool. I had found her true feelings towards me that fateful night back in March when she had muttered my name. now I could see if those feelings had survived the long, lonely months. 


	5. Observing

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to these characters or this storyline. All belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer, who I am forever in debt of.**

**1056 words: be grateful and review!**

**LionsLamb**

EPOV

I watched Bella from the depths of the forest, where I knew she wouldn't see me. I had retreated further into the lush woodland, crouched as still as a marble statue underneath a large fern.

As the sky began to darken, I heard Bella's sobs cease slightly. The tearing I felt from the depths of my heart seemed to subside a little. However, I knew the pain of separation would not go completely away until I had her safe in my arms.

I heard the truck's engine noisily come to life and followed it as it drove away, running parallel alongside it, ensuring I was well hidden within the depths of the forest. 

As Bella's truck pulled up to Charlie's house, I hid myself behind the bush lining the front walk. I was wearing dark clothes, which had become my uniform over the past few months (much to Alice's disdain – she loved the challenge of trying to find me colourful clothes that matched my unusually hued hair), and found that these obscure colours came into use. 

I watched silently as Bella entered the dark house, using the key under the eave to open the faded blue front door. She small kitchen was lit by a ingle, bare light bulb, which would not have allowed me to see clearly through the rain had it not been for my sharp vision.

In the light, however dim it may have been, I was shocked at how thin and pale Bella had become. She had always been pale, for sure, but now her face was ashen, devoid of the blush I craved and cherished. She had lost a lot of weight – her clothes hung off her emaciated frame, and when she reached up to get a place out of the high cupboard, I could see that her belt was at the last notch. Her hair had lost its beautiful mahogany sheen, and it now hung limp against her bony shoulders. 

How could I have left you, I further cursed myself.

I saw Bella pick up the phone and dial a number that I did not know; my ears easily heard the conversation:

'Sorry I didn't come by, Jake.'

Who was Jake? I felt a pang of jealousy, twinged with regret and anxiety.

'I had started a Trig paper before I left, and fell asleep after your call.'

Oh, my darling Bella – you still don't know how to lie!

'Okay, I'm sorry again… say hi to Billy for me.'

Bella hung up the phone gingerly, obviously still feeling guilty. 

I watched her scribble a note, blatantly for Charlie, and then trudged upstairs. 

She didn't eat anything. That's why she was so thin.

I crept stealthily around the side of the house, climbing up the tree that had branches that spread far out enough so that I could get close to Bella's room. 

I waited as she took a shower, heard the tap run as she brushed her teeth, and then walked into her bedroom; still in the same old tattered sweats I so loved seeing her in.

Out of habit, I hoped, Bella walked over to her window and opened it wide. 

Leaning out slightly, I saw her deep brown eyes survey the rain outside. I crouched further into the niche between the truck and the thick branch that extended towards Bella's window. 

Bella sighed and frowned, before walking over to the full-length mirror that graced the back of her door. I saw her survey her body critically, before speaking to herself in a voice so full of disdain and self-loathing that it made me cringe.

'Look at you – you're disgusting. You're nothing. God. No wonder he didn't want you. No wonder he hated you – you're repulsive'. 

Her chin started to wobble, and I could tell she was trying to hold back a wave of tears. 

Taking control of her emotions, I heard her draw in a shuddering breath, biting her full bottom lip hard, as she walked over to her unmade bed. 

Hearing her speak more words broke me inside. How could she not see the beauty, the goodness shining out of her? From my skill of reading minds, I knew that I was not the only one who found her attractive. I knew that I was not the only one who saw the inner beauty as well as the outer. Had I really driven her to this? I felt a wave of self-hatred flood my veins, as potent as thick blood.

I concentrated myself back in Bella, and watched as she tried to get herself comfortable; setting herself up for a long night's sleep. 

After an hour or so, Charlie came back from work. I saw his police cruiser pull up next to Bella's truck. He stomped heavily up the front porch steps, and read Bella's note on the kitchen table as he took off his gun belt and raincoat.

I had no need to read the note myself to know what is said: Charlie's thoughts told me everything I needed, including his worries about his beloved daughter – all was crystal clear to me in the tone of his thoughts:

'Dinner's on the table. One minute on high should suffice.'

So impersonal.

So abrupt.

So unlike my Bella.

It wasn't a note from a daughter to father – it was that of a boss to a worker. 

She didn't even add her name on to the end of it, hinting at some form of emotion, however, vague that might be. 

Oh, god, Edward. What have you done?

Bella's sleepy voice in the darkness alerted me immediately, and I reverted my thoughts back to the task at hand. She was thrashing around in her bed sheets, sobbing, her head resting on her arms on the pillow. 

She was crying out, moans of sadness puncturing the damp night air.

Her words tore me right apart. 

'No, don't leave me!'

'Why?'

'But I'll come with you…'

And the worst of all:

'You don't want me.'

I couldn't help myself any longer – I now knew she needed me as much as I needed her.

Now was my chance. 


	6. Worries

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to or based on the Twilight books. They are owned by Stephenie Meyer, much to my dismay. **

BPOV

I woke up as usual, finding tears streaming down my face.

I woke up as usual, my eyes red and swollen from crying.

I woke up as usual, alone.

Except, I wasn't sure if I was. The curiosity triggered the long dormant adrenaline to run through my veins. It was a new and unfamiliar experience, excitement. I had forgotten the sensation of this marvellous thrill. I wasn't even afraid at my unexpected observer.

And that was when I saw him... him.

The one I had yearned for for so long. The one that completed me. The one that didn't want me.

'Bella?'

His deep, honey-smooth voice brought back a rush of painful memories I struggled to repress. But why was he here? Did he just want to torture me more by making mourn what I didn't have? 

Is that why he came? To torture me? The torment I was feeling was overpowering, and hot, wet tears started to pour out of my eyes. 

One part of me just wanted to curl up into a ball and fall into an endless sleep. Death was better than a world without him. I had considered it, but decided against a purposeful death. I turned my thoughts instead to Charlie and Renee, knowing the pain they would have to endure at my untimely demise. 

And then there was the other option, the alternative – the one my heart ached for – that he had returned to love me. To once more make me his own. However remote that possibility was, both my head and heart clung onto it like a safety raft. 

'May I come in?' he asked impatiently.

All my hopes, however ridiculous and improbable they were, were dashed. From his tone of voice, i could tell that he wanted to further hurt me, to torment my heart until it was no more.

However sick it was, i wanted him to make me feel pain for two reasons:

I would finally feel something, whether or not that something be happiness, anger or sadness.

And he would be with me.

That, to me, was heaven, even if it was in hell.

**Another chapter up very soon. I kept it short for you, IsabellaMarieCullen3214!!**

**LionsLamb**


	7. Apologies

EPOV

EPOV

I asked Bella if I could come in in a tone harsher than I had originally intended. My anger was not directed towards my angel, of course, but at myself.

How could I have been so stupid, so obtuse, to think that I could live without her, and her without me?

'Bella—'

'Edward,' I could see how it pained her to say my name. 

'If you want to hurt me, go ahead. It'd grant me relief. I know you don't want me, but being without you hurts even more. And I understand why you don't want me.

The words she was speaking ripped me apart.

How could she think I wanted to hurt her?

How could she think I didn't want her?

For once, there was one thing in my life that was certain, and that was that the way I felt about her was never, ever going to change. 

Our love would stand the test of time, whether that time be her lifetime, or mine. But the hard part was not going to be living that time – that would be effortless, natural, and yet blissfully happy. The hard part would be alleviating the crazy idea of my apparent sadism from her head.

The hard part would be convincing her that I wanted her, wanted to be with her, more than anything.

I walked over to Bella, _my_ Bella. To be that close to her after so long was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I directed her towards the bed, motioning with my hand. She sat down carefully, cautiously. I couldn't touch her, though. I fought all of my nearly overpowering human instincts, but I could not make this anymore painful. I kneeled in front of her, my eyes looking balefully up at her angelic face, tragically tearstained.

'Bella--' she opened her mouth, as if to interrupt, but I continued – I had to.

'Please, just listen to me. Listen, don't speak. For both my sake and yours. 

'I know I left you. And that was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I will never, ever forgive myself. Instead, I'm asking you to forgive me. I was a stupid ass, and I thought I could exist without you. Alas, I was a fool – I cannot. 

'These past few months have been nothing but dreams, except the dreams have been living nightmares due to your absence from my life. 

'I left you because I thought it was the best thing for you. I hoped, with all of my heart, that you would fine someone to take my place, preferably a human someone. 

'Bella, I know I am being impossibly selfish, but could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?'

I looked down at the floor, studying the cracks of the faded polished floorboards. 

What if I had misread the signs?

What if she really didn't want me back? 

What if she hated me for doing this to her?

And then I felt her soft hand reach under my chin, pulling my head up. 

It was the first time we had touched in over three months, and the jolt of electricity that ran between us was almost too much to bear…

The desire flickered in me, long forgotten…

Although the self doubt was still present.


	8. Throes of Passion

BPOV

BPOV

He loved me.

He loved me.

He loved me.

Those three words echoed over and over again in my head.

He loved me.

And our love would always endure – surely such intensity, such passion would never fade. It couldn't – we wouldn't allow it.

I moved my hand from underneath his perfectly formed chin down to his long hands, which were resting on his knees.

I stood up, pulling him with me. For once, it was as though I was in charge, that _I _was dazzling _him_.

I brought my head up to look into his topaz eyes, a colour that had so long been absent from its place in my heart.

At once, my heart started to flutter, and I felt colour pooling in my cheeks.

Unable to resist, I flung my arms around his neck and pressed myself to him. My face reached just up to his chest, and I turned so I was looking right into it, inhaling his unique, delicious scent deeply.

I felt his cold, marble arms reach around my waist and then felt his lips press softly against my hair.

I moved my hands from around his neck and let them rest in his wondrously soft hair. I closed my eyes, my lips seeking. He knew what I was looking for.

All at once, I felt his lips press tentatively against mine. It was a soft kiss, full of apprehension, as if he was testing the waters.

He pulled away slightly, and I frowned. But what came next took me totally by surprise.

His lips crashed against mine, and I could feel the passion from his urgent touch. Our lips moved as one, and as the kiss deepened, I felt his hold around my waist loosen as he tangled his hands in my hair.

We fell back onto the bed, my back against the mussed sheets and we continued the kiss. It was like nothing we had ever done before – daring, passionate and definitely not within the physical boundaries we had previously set each other.

We broke away simultaneously. I was gasping for air, as was he.

I looked up at him, into his intense liquid gold eyes, which seemed to be burning holes into my soul.

I never wanted that moment to pass; we had been in the throes of passion, something we never had experienced to such a degree before.

The only thought that cased me to break our eye contact was the fact that we would have eternity to spend.

This eternity, I reminded myself, would be full of these moments.

**A/N: do you think I should continue? I've been getting plenty of hits, but the last chapter I posted (6) did not get that many hits or reviews. I will continue with this if I have enough demand. If you want more chapters, then review!!**

**LionsLamb**


	9. Puzzle Pieces

A/N: okay, I'm really continuing this for IsabellaMarieCullen3214, xXShatteredxGlassx and xXSocialxDistortionistxX: they're the

**A/N: okay, I'm really continuing this for IsabellaMarieCullen3214, xXShatteredxGlassx and xXSocialxDistortionistxX: they're the ones that have encouraged me! Thank you!! **

BPOV:

'Sleep now, my Bella', his velvet voice cooed into my ear. I knew I would never grow tired of his dulcet tones, and hearing his voice so close gave me shivers down my spine.

I reclined against the pillows, pulling him by the shirt collar down with me.

'Not before I get something in return', I growled.

'I have to say, I wholeheartedly agree with you', he replied with a crooked smile so heart stoppingly beautiful that it caused my breath to catch in my chest.

His icy lips pressed once more against mine. In one glorious moment, and much to my dismay, the kiss was over.

I sighed, smiling slightly, and rearranged myself more comfortably, bunching my pillow up and pulling the covers up over my shoulder.

I felt Edward's cold, hard body lie next to mine, and I snuggled deeper into his marble chest. His arm draped over my waist, pulling me even closer to him.

It was amazing how perfectly our bodies fit together; we were like two puzzle pieces: we formed a whole; there was no question about it. When we were apart, we lost a half of each other. He was my soul, just as I was his. Separate us, and all you would find would be empty shells, devoid of emotion, passion or love.

I felt myself slowly drifting into a slumber, with no disturbing dreams of his departure.

Instead, that night, one of my happiest ever, all I dreamt were dreams of a future, uncertain maybe, but without a doubt, blissfully happy.


End file.
